There are not many words Ryan has put to this long road he has been on. He is in support of my sharing these words with you, through this letter. I pray one day, God will give him clarity and courage to share his journey, struggles and all. The best will be when his words are glowing bright with Glory for God and growth of the Kingdom!
Ryan has admittedly struggled, as long as he can remember, hearing within... He is nothing. Include in that list, no sense of being loved, no joy, no sustained peace, no more patience, no worthiness of kindness, goodness, or gentleness. No success in faithfulness, and self-control to a fault. This is the devastating reality he has faced. This has been my devastating reality as his wife.
For many, many, years I felt it part of my role and responsibility to be some source of love, joy, and peace etc. These thoughts of my own, and often teachings from, and through, well-intending Christians, made for some extremely difficult years. The truth is... the opposites of these hard and hurtful realities for Ryan, and too many others, are solely gifts of the Holy Spirit and are found in Jesus. In the meantime, as love, joy and peace are a distant reality for him, we do believe that through continued faithfulness to God and His promised presence there will be more for him, which in turn is, more for me and these babes of ours <3.
I’m not neglecting the possible impact of physiological depression, anxiety etc. I know there are professionals who are gifted to aide those living with this as their reality. I also know medication is a gift at times. We have walked those roads as well in hopes of better understanding what seems to be the never-ending struggle. Even with this being our ripped up road, here is what we can thank God for right now…
We know, Ryan has been led all of these years. He is a miracle, as are each of us, bearing God’s image.
Without the gift of the Holy Spirit within him, coupled with God’s goodness and grace, we don’t believe it would be possible for him to persevere the way he has. The same being true for myself.