As I had mentioned yesterday these set-apart times have me knowing His invitation is worth it, my willingness is there, He knows this, which is why He’s offering it to me. I can completely trust Him but golly-gee I do not do this flawlessly. Flawlessness isn’t my goal, or His, just sayin’... Sharing with you, for the sake of Jesus’s kingship, love and goodness while in the middle of the unknown makes me feel like flawlessness should be the goal. It isn’t, just putting that there, for me and maybe for you.
Mmm, where to start?
Let’s start on June 14, 2020 because in the 5 o’clock hour He met me and I penned…
“In my first reading I am remembering Mary and Martha, Lazarus and Martha, while she poses the truth with her words she didn’t believe HIS goodness in her heart. Martha I was, but Mary I am.
Mary being that woman who anointed our Jesus with rich perfume and wiped His feet with her hair. Upon her hearing HE WAS, she ran to Him. It’s still emotionally shocking how raw my emotions, my heart is with the never ending gift of you Jesus. Let this always be true for me. You’ve let Yourself be so real, so present. I am simply undone.
Then I come to Oswald’s reading, “Think of the things in which you take yourself out of abiding in Christ…” For me it is the logistics of these new days post COVID crap and how life has changed specifically with schools and subbing. Knowing and having experienced financial fruit from living intentionally but now not knowing if/where/how I could use my gifts and if or what time to use working, knowing the children’s schooling is still up in the air. What will You have us do? I know I am meant to sit tight. I am, I am. You just get my mental-mess once in while. You know my aim is to only step into changes which You are placing before me.
Oh wow! I am absolutely aware of the ways You have me shaking my head with Your posed question to me. Do I believe You will yet bring more? A g a i n… do I know? Yes! Do I believe? Mmm…less of a yes and more like well...uh, yeah…?!?
You know my willingness. You appreciate the “get ‘er done part of me (especially after I received Your love in full apart from my doing) but I do see this as a snare deep in my belief. Where would another 40 take me…? What would it be specifically to venture again in a pause with you? I know to be intentional with writing and sharing. I know to start my day with oatmeal. I know to put intentions into strength and movement. I especially delight in this partnership, because I get to be in Your creation. I know You will continue to light my day and spur me along in living loved and loving living!
Jesus, Let me remain free, knowing this year of “fulfill” is yet Your gift to me. I trust and believe You for any needed shift in acceptance or change. Already I have experienced so much of Your goodness! Do not let me receive any lies into my heart, mind or soul. Bring to me Your certain saints which will spur me along in remaining free. I trust You Jesus to be who my children hear and I believe Your Spirit within them will be rising up in new, beautiful and powerful ways, for we start with praise of You!
I trust you, lead us in Your higher ways of life and living… we are still willing to be Your chosen weird ones, for Your Kingdom and Your Glory Jesus, may it be so <3
That was our start, some questions swirling, knowing to wait more, and an invitation to do what He’s taught me to do, no more, no less. He knew this time would hold so much more than I could have even thought. I’ll continue to put to words as best I can that which this journey has held. I’m officially in Day 29 but desiring to lay the foundation for y’all, so you too can praise Him with me having believed — He is EVERYTHING!
and now, ENJOY a little JAM time!!!