We arrived back in Mount Joy with four days to finish. Packing up the kitchen was my largest task and when this heartbeat space of the home is empty, our job is done and off. we. can. go!!!
As we continued to live off our list to let this change be what becomes for us, the few who knew about our change would instinctively ask “How long until you’re back?” or “This doesn’t sound like it’s sustainable, what’s your plan?” (mostly referring to Ryan living in Mount Joy and the kids and I three hours north).
I heard their words and I appreciated what their experience may be like because of our family leaving the area (in the small and significant heart-felt ways) but I had, and still have, no answers. Our family’s reality is we get to tell ourselves we don’t need to know. So I thought, if this is true, and it is for us, why was it so exhausting to say-so?
For the first time in my life I now see how this constant thread of opportunity for us, as a family, to “own our not knowing” as a gift. For years, as we’ve lived out our days the way God has planned them to be, we’ve been asked why, when, how to this-or-that. Had the world got its way all our “not knowing,” the various reasons and/or answers, would have caused us to meet our end. Praise God for being with us in such a way we’ve grown closer to Him, even in all our groaning.
Until now, I lived resisting the choices we’ve made at some level. This resistance has lessened over time and the struggle to be fully free in the truth of, I simply don’t know -- anything -- is waning. Now, only now, and apparently for such a time as this, I am able and confidently free to say with a song and a smile, I don’t know AND… I’m more than okay. God in His loving-kindness offers the same bedrock truth to Ryan and our children, what a gift! How’s that for knowing our present and future days will be FULL of LIFE! Has your experience along the Way, living through times of both trial and blessing, brought the same ability to you? Are you able to accept and then embrace that which we know, we don’t know?
I can’t not finish sharing our story of those days we lived as we transitioned here. Stay tuned because you've got a friend in me and my mess! Sending love and hugs to you and yours this day <3
