I cannot neglect to share simply here.
I love my husband.
He is a gift of God. This is actually what his name means.
He has worked, waited, sought and waited some more to be who he believes he should be... who he believes God is ushering him to become.
We cannot yet say there has been ease in this. There has been peace, but not ease.
We are walking out our lives together and part of what these 20 years have held is his struggle with depression. What it means for him, what it means for me. What it means as a follower of Jesus, what it means in the “Christian” circle. How to not use it as a label, how to love and give grace without making excuses or enabling lies, how to encourage without expectations and so much more.
I’ve always said we need to be on a billboard helping others know the fight is real, reinforcing it is worth holding onto life, minute to minute if need be. Reminding others to embrace the truth of what your Maker says of you, over you, and into you.
All that to say, in the middle of November 2016 as I neared the end of this 65 day pause, he and I had just gone through some very bleak days. For him, those times are despairing. For me, that time was full of the awareness of fear, fighting to take root within me.We both remain.
I run to Jesus, and one day Ryan will share what his refuge in Jesus looks and feels like too.
To you, Father God, be our praise for carrying us this far <3
Stay tuned, next is Part 6 of The Past 65 Day Pause…